One of my more memorable tindr conversations.
One of my more memorable tindr conversations.
thursday morning, yet again, another morning in the office with heavy bags under my eyes. another 1.30am work day, working on another cookie cutter proposal.
chalet paris - nineteen sixty font, headings in 12.5’s, bodies in 11.
the most enjoyable part of the days were being graciously greeted by the scene on leavenworth street, more formally known as the tenderloin. sunshine, syringes and the exchange of dirty money on street corners.
kind mornings came to heavy halts, fluorescencents sting the eyes, closed curtains, welcome to your day.
9:48am, i’m called into the partners office along with 3 others including a group in los angeles. my heart beating, trying to hide my smile, i knew what was coming. a rough month for the agency, heavy lay offs all round.
i discussed my severance package, picked up my bag and out the door by 10am. a sense of easiness comes over me, like i finally was able to take a deep breath and let it out without sighing.
relief. my co-worker and i grabbed a coffee, i could immediately tell he wanted that taste of freedom. he could see it when that first sip of coffee hit my lips.
it’s finally time to live the lifestyle.
**side note: i’m finally doing it, thank you lifestyle of the unemployed!
mulling over business ideas.
a) create a demand for something, so exclusive, so outrageous that no body can have.
b) have that shit created, you are the gate keeper to your own demand.
.. 3.2.1 and rich.
our minds paint the pictures to the feelings no words could share.
this dream, with eyes closed, there is no darkness, we are never alone.
only clouds reflecting patterns upon crystal lakes,
as sun light radiates warmth across our bodies connected.
distance will not separate us, we are never alone.
only oxygen, running through our lungs, the same wind that blows through purple meadows and carries echoes across still waters.
our dream continues.
but again, without an end,
there is no dream.
There are 4 billion other women on this planet.
Unless you’re in love, don’t fuck your best friends exes.
couldn’t make it past the first date? stop beating yourself up and take these tips to getting her to the bedroom from an alpha female. guest blog by our very lovely p.a.m.e.l.a:
1. Exaggerate your one talent/passion, because she doesn’t have to know your company requires you to be in the Big Brother program.
2. Be sure to jazz up your Facebook profile to look interesting and attractive because SHE WILL STALK YOU.
3. Talk about your job as if you’re two positions above your current position.
4. Keep her drunker than you, nothing turns dates off more than a wasted dude.
5. Expect nothing, and she’ll want to give you more.
it’s like the in thing, apparently. taking a little bit of a different route to the grouper’s, tindr, bang with friends etc etc, i thought i’d take it a step further and see what the chances of taking whendatinginsf on a date by starting some friendly tumblr conversation.
Just for one night:
Try saving the pennies you were going to spend on getting takeout from the same old hole in the wall around the corner. You probably get it delivered while you sit in your sweats watching re-runs of game of thrones? right.
Now, head down to your local grocer, whether it be gourmet or just a TJ’s. The notion of cooking being a chore is simply fucking ridiculous. It should inspire creativity, let you relax, take your mind of all the other things going on in this world. Share the experience if you like, collaborative flattery. Bounce off each other, I’ve never been more in my element than cooking with the person that I love. You’re only as good as what you put out.
Take the time to scroll through recipes, pick out fresh beautiful produce, match your dishes with a bottle of vino. Let yourself go, discover and create. The beauty of creating food is all at once, everything comes together like the universe is telling you that everything is going to be just fine.
fall hard down that well but don’t forget to catch yourself along the way. trust me on one thing, let go & keep falling. because once you get to the bottom of the well, you climb yourself out and do it again and again. keep things interesting, we’re all here to explore.
“Do not be angry with the rain; it simply does not know how to fall upwards.”
1. if you’re not dancing at the party, you’re doing it wrong. if you’re not interested in dancing, choose one song and consider doing it well. my weapon of choice, multiple variations of the air keyboard, because arms, where do you really put them?
2. put your drink down
3. choose your partner in crime. now, if you’re single, hone in on your target and dance with “partner in crime” next to “target”. alternatively, hone straight to target. i prefer causing a scene before getting from point a to b.
4. i’m more of an upbeat bouncy tempo kind of kid. like i said, something to flail my arms to for the air keyboard.
5. pick the beat and go for it. put your dominant foot forward and sync with arm. plays keys while bouncing on back leg then move on to head, arm and front toe on dominant foot forward in time. repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat.
6. you are now causing a scene.
7. target is laughing and slightly interested. continue to repeat “step number 5” around her. “partner in crime” knows the drill.
8. song is nearly over. this is dance 101, meaning you are not very good and you’ll probably need to really step it up for the next song OR pull her aside and have something interesting to talk about. dance 101er’s.. i recommend you pull her aside, you are not good at dancing.
9. don’t waste time explaining how you learnt to dance. make-out already, dance 101 got you this far.
Next Up: Dinner 101: Cooking for two.
- Life Lessons w/ Jeremi
have one mug and own it well, my personal favorite the australian “pannikin”. pass that shit down as a legacy. be remembered as a tin mug… ya mug. see “proper” description below:
A Pannikin is a uniquely Australian, tough tin mug used for drinking billy tea.
- Life Lessons w/ Jeremi
1. become unemployed.
2. don’t stop making connections. not only will this improve your social life drastically, your string of contacts on a deeper level will benefit you tremendously. also remember, always have something to give back. never take without reciprocating, even if it’s the smallest gesture.
3. build your empire. your name is invaluable. claim real estate, you’ll realize how important it is once someone finds you through a google search. give just enough away that it’s professional, you don’t ever want them knocking on your front door.
4. put down the beer and start working on expanding your skill set. how can you be an asset to a stranger and why should they start paying you for it?
5. back to step 1. become unemployed. i can’t say i’ve taken this step yet, nor have i had the balls to do so yet. ultimately leading up to working the lifestyle of the unemployed.
look forward to writing shortly from a deserted island far away from you.